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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Lord Of The Rings and Taxi Driver fanatic who had a bit of a stutter? He said to his friend, ""Jay, R, R you Tolkein to me?"""

"Children are so unappreciative these days. I bought my daughter a rabbit. She just keeps complaining about how it ""doesn't count if it's roadkill""."

"Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Ohno! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!"

"Difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong-un. One is tyrannical and ruthless dictator, who destroys each and every opposition and other is supreme leader of North Korea."

"Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn't the most romantic move ever."

"How do you know your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up."

"Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery? Currant Affairs"

"No, I haven't lost weight but ""spanx"" for asking."

"Jim: Tim, see if the indicator lights are working... Tim: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."

"Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man. One said to the other ""You bite him ? I'm driving."""