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Joke of the Day

"Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Ohno! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!"

"Sir Mix-a-lot likes big butts and cannot lie. His twin brother does not like big butts and cannot tell the truth. You may ask one question."

"My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water... I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat."

"If Math was a dick, I'd be gay. Because I suck at it."

"The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph. He's too short to be an ese"

"Life is like a box of chocolates Which doesn't quite fit in the username box"

"Why do tigers always beat cheetahs at hide-and-seek? They've never been spotted."

"[in bed] Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex. Me: No worries! Her: Where are you going? Me: To lock the front door. Her: ..."

"If my partner didn't want me to wear yoga pants because they make me too attractive to other men, I'd respect his wishes and take them off."