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Joke of the Day

"DRAGON: get AWAY from me ME: let me pet ur scales pls DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u ME: breathe fire on me DRAGON: *is creeped out*"

"People are saying that the Kardashians think Khloe's new boyfriend doesn't love her. They think he's simply using her to be famous or as they put it, ""Welcome to the family."""

"I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness... That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??"

"I just found out my girlfriend has been cheating on my with my dad.... Can't belive I'm going to be an uncle."

"If you love Christmas so much, why don't you merry it?"

"My neighbor can't understand why he just found human shit on his front porch. I can't understand why he would use a power saw at 5:48 am."

"My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta... Yuk yuk yuk"

"I was sitting in a bar... When a guy yells out, ""Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?"" She yelled back, ""Because I swallowed them all!"""

"How do you make a woman orgasm? Who gives a fuck"

"What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on my organ."