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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor can't understand why he just found human shit on his front porch. I can't understand why he would use a power saw at 5:48 am."

"What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed? Baked beans"

"They're going to start playing porn at the fuel pumps.... This is so you can watch someone else being fucked at the same time as you."

"It might be time to diet when you ask Siri to call your "" boyfriend"" and she dial's up Domino's pizza"

"(nsfw)A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says, ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies, ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck."""

"Had Irish 7 coarse meal for lunch today 6 pack and a baked potato. Was delicious!"

"""You're getting an MFA in English? Wasn't your Bachelor's useless enough for you?"" -second degree burn"

"This tub of margarine doesn't believe it's me."

"If you're American, when are you not American? When European. Or when you're Russian. Any more? :)"

"Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to."