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Joke of the Day

"My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta... Yuk yuk yuk"

"I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me."

"My aunt found a lump below her left breast recently. It was my penis."

"Gary Johnson Has won the election."

"Math and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive."

"There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know."

"Santa Clause for Halloween. Axe Murderer for Christmas."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the award? He was out standing in his field."

"What does the sign say on an out-of-business brothel? Beat it, we're closed."

"Feminist Picnic... No sandwiches were made."