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Joke of the Day

"Another ""Iron Man"" Joke Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command."

"Ah, water. Giver of life. Destroyer of witches. Improver of tee shirt contests."

"Play-Doh is a wonderful way to teach your children that colorful things will lie to you about their taste."

"sometimes i literally would stop replying to someone for a whole hour because i be googling a very specific reaction gif for the convo"

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"""Just Be yourself"" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well."

"A man would never say... STOP SUCKING MY DICK OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!"

"and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE"

"What color is a baby in the microwave? I wouldn't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate"

"I just lost my left arm and left leg in an accident. I'm all right now."