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Joke of the Day

"The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait."

"I hate those p*nis enhancement emails. I got 10 today. What really hurt my feelings was 8 of them were from my girlfriend."

"Do you guys ever put sheets over your dogs so they look like little dog ghosts? Me neither."

"Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife"

"When I found out Carl was a beekeeper I stopped loaning him bees."

"Me: Treat yo self My Bank Account: DO NOT TREAT YO SELF"

"I guess anywhere they have that Zika virus... ...is a good place to go to get a little head."

"Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done. I've quit hundreds of times."

"You hang Up. ""No you hang Up."" No YOU hang Up. ""No YOU hang Up."" - couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters"

"A couple who are silly together stay together."