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Joke of the Day

"regrets? [thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations] yeah i've got regrets"

"I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay He said ""I ain't no snitch!""."

"Did you know your amazing human body actually drink lava!?! Only once though....."

"Shouldn't Spiderman have 4 more legs?"

"[New take on old classic] A priest, a lawyer, a saxophonist, a doctor, a telemarketer and a rabbi walk into a bar. ""Ouch!"""

"Did you hear the one about the dog who was into S&M? He liked it ruff."

"Being hungry again a half hour after eating Chinese food isn't about the food being Chinese, it's about you being American."

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre."

"Why is the second traffic citation always easier to read? Because it's re-fined!"

"we have ways of making you talk mr bond [introduces dave] this is dave, he's a vegan ""OK ENOUGH"""