40119

Joke of the Day

"""If you can't handle me at my diddliest, you don't deserve me at my doodliest."" -Ned Flanders"

"ME: here's your bday present! BUDDY: [tries to grab it but it won't budge] did u wrap your own hand flipping the bird again ME: just open it"

"A guy gets pulled over for speeding The cops walks up to the guy's car window and says ""Son, I've been here just a waitin' for you all day."" The guy replies ""Well, I got here as fast as I could""."

"Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once."

"Why do pigs like February 14th? They get lots of Valenswines."

"Dear Gingers, It could be worse. Sincerely, Albinos"

"""wat can i say.. im a people person"" said the man who was MADE OUT OF PEOPLE"

"Hey guys wanna watch a girl feel herself up? Hide her cell phone."

"I got fired from my job at the cemetery yesterday... I made a grave mistake."

"I went swimming the other day and nearly drowned. 2 families were there to pull me out. The Smith family and the Ball family. Luckily I was pulled out by the Smiths I went swimming the other day..."