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Joke of the Day

"I went swimming the other day and nearly drowned. 2 families were there to pull me out. The Smith family and the Ball family. Luckily I was pulled out by the Smiths I went swimming the other day..."

"Whats the useless skin around the vagina called? The woman... Im sorry"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head no arms"

"What is the first thing a cannibal does after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his ass."

"Got pretty embarrassed at the party last night. Totally looked like I peed my pants 'cuz I spilled my glass of pee into my lap"

"My idea of Hell would be Carrot Top and Shaun White taking turns sneezing in my face."

"Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer. Keep your frenemies in a dark basement filled with bees."

"Did you hear about the guy who taught a group of dung beetles to play baseball? Yup, and thats just the bug inning."

"""So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another"" -How I Met Your Stepmother"

"What do you and 1 ply toilet paper have in common? You BOTH eat *da*-booty!"