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Joke of the Day

"Vampires aren't on FB because they can't take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror."

"What is the best part of having Alzheimer's? You`re always meeting new people."

"Where do elephants keep their reproductive organs? On their feet because when they step on you, you're fucked."

"Why should you never mess with an angry dysentery patient? They lose their shit over the smallest things!"

"If by ""flexible"" you mean ""can I get my foot behind my head?"" then yes, I am. If you mean ""can I get my foot back down?"" then no, I am not."

"If I got a boyfriend I wouldn't know what to do... What do they eat? How often do they need to be walked? Can they be house trained?"

"Police: ""You were going fast."" Me: ""I was trying to keep up with traffic."" Police: ""There isn't any."" Me: ""That's how far behind I am!"""

"Sex is a dick activity... ...though I like to shorten it to a-dick-tive."

"If grandmothers say ""love you to the moon and back"" Do gay men say ""love you to Uranus and back""?"

"Timmy walks in on his mother getting dressed... Now you're thinking of the time you saw your mothers breasts."