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Joke of the Day

"Police: ""You were going fast."" Me: ""I was trying to keep up with traffic."" Police: ""There isn't any."" Me: ""That's how far behind I am!"""

"Mom: Time to wake updog. Son: *groggily* What's updog? Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u? Dad (from hallway): OWNED"

"The worst part about watching Ronda Rousey fight: it's hard to rub one out in under a minute."

"Why are black people so good at sports? Hard work and dedication."

"I am no Joker But I know who he is."

"If Jesus could have sex on his birthday... That lucky girl would be covered in Christ-mist."

"SPOILERS: Finding Dory was just a Movie.... about her for getting home."

"What do two rednecks say to each other after a break up? Let's go back to being cousins."

"If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!"

"Saw a guy masturbating on the bus today... Where does he get off?!? (credit to Hampton Yount)"