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Joke of the Day

"Sex is a dick activity... ...though I like to shorten it to a-dick-tive."

"Two scientists walk into a bar The first one says ""I'll have an H2O"" The second one orders a beer."

"Just started my Vegan diet. They're a bit chewy, but better than kale."

"Disappointed the ATM didn't shoot out a burst of confetti to congratulate me for having enough to pull out twenty bucks."

"Him:I'm not going to use this taxi company again. They nearly killed me this morning Me:don't be so hasty darling...give them another chance"

"If I have 10 pieces of bacon and you take half, what do you have? That's right, a black eye and my hatred."

"Girls and square roots have one thing in common... If they are under 13, do 'em in your head."

"What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in."

"You know that chick who said, ""Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?""... Yeah, well I ate her."

"There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry."