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Joke of the Day

"Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?"

"Glad the lady in front of me decided at the last second to stop at the yellow light as I prefer to eat my fries from the dashboard."

"A physicist came knocking on my door... I gave him the No-Bell Prize."

"A truamatizing joke for a single mother to tell their child(ren) ""You look like your father, whoever he is."""

"So, my mate Vincent cut his ear off and his wife asked him why? He just told her "" I guess I just had to 'let it Gogh'. EDIT: removed the u from gogh"

"Stores in baltimore have been completely looted. all that's left is sunscreen and father's day cards. sauce: http://imgur.com/gallery/Tae9PI5"

"Dinosaurs went extinct because they heard Chuck Norris was coming."

"The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots. They must feel really deflated."

"What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a dachshund? A hot diggity dog."

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live So I shot him. Judge gave me 30 years to life."