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Joke of the Day

"Called my boss, what's the different between work and your daughter. I will not be coming into work today."

"Did you hear about the guy who OD'ed on homeopathic medicine? He had forgotten to take them."

"Do you think the husband of the GPS lady listens to her directions?"

"[job interview] Interviewer: ""Describe yourself in 2 words."" Me: ""Atinubs. Econsibu."" Interviewer: ""You're hired. Welcome to CAPTCHA."""

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? It's fine, he woke up."

"Lame number joke: Why is 8 scared of 7? Becaauuuussseee 7 8(ate) 9. You get it huh?"

"Other girls think they are quirky because they pet dogs at parties. I on the other hand, fear death but also long for it"

"My wife has just walked out the door with the kids for good because of my addiction to horse racing. In fact, I can see them now they're all at the gate and they're off!"

"What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it ? A sausage dog !"

"What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line? Weights"