102041

Joke of the Day

"The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool. I was so startled, I almost fell in."

"I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes"

"Tonight's parenting lesson: If a 2-year-old says, ""I'm going to puke,"" FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T CALL HER BLUFF. I need a shower."

"George Bush repeatedly tries to crack a coconut on the side of a hot skillet ""Laura, I told you not to buy the god damn hairy eggs anymore"""

"If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with ""I shouldn't be telling you this"""

"What's pink, wrinkly, hairy, smells of pee, and hangs out you boxers? Either your mum, your wife or you."

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then"

"Bob suddenly realized his wife had fallen off her horse Which was quite a relief as just an hour ago he'd thought he'd gone deaf"

"If you steal a Tesla... Does it become an Edison?"

"What sound does a gun made from church seating make? Pew Pew.. Sorry. Just became a father 2 years ago. I have some catching up to do."