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Joke of the Day

"Why do hipsters burn their lips when they drink tea? Because they drink it before it's cool."

"Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants."

"What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower."

"Where does Noah keep his bees? In the Ark Hives"

"Will anyone on Facebook ever have the guts to let everyone else know they married their ""best friend""?"

"People who tweet in riddles need to know I'm not Batman."

"Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?"

"I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password ""Have some respect for the dead!"" he said I replied ""Is that all lower case?"""

"What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Voting was a lot more fun in the days when you got 4 snapshots for a dollar in the booth."