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Joke of the Day

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."" ""Oh my god honey, what happened?"" ""I reposted the same goddamn joke too many times."""

"I once went out with a girl who worked with bees My friends said she was a keeper"

"I have a friend who says he's a pothead but only takes one hit and then he's stoned. He's not a pothead, he's a mari-wanna be."

"A child molester and a young boy are walking into the dark woods.... ""I'm scared"", said the boy. ""YOU'RE scared?? I have to walk out of here alone!"""

"Another knock knock joke X: Knock knock. Y: Who's there? X: Doctor."

"Women are supposed to be like butterflies, beautiful and hard to catch... ...But most of you are like mosquitoes, annoying and easy to smash."

"I'm not looking at your ass, I'm admiring your back pocket."

"Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible."

"2 reasons why im fat 1) i eat when I'm bored 2) im always bored"

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Wrong size. Should have bought from Zappos. (Note: original story reference here - it wasn't Hemingway: http://www.snopes.com/language/literary/babyshoes.asp)"