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Joke of the Day
"How do you know you've been making too many jokes? When the wordplay becomes wordwork."
Next Joke
"I need your fingers, rubbing me hard, circling around my red swollen ...mosquito bite. What did YOU think I'm talking about? Weirdos!!"
"What's the difference between a whore and a prostitute? One of them is a paid professional and the other one's your mom."
"How do you make a man from New Zealand fall asleep? Ask him to count how many sexual partners he has had (Because they're sheep fuckers)."
"Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?"
"""I'm calling you because you're easy."" ""You're not even very good."" ""You're just the best I can do this late."" Dominos: ""Your order, Sir?"""
"Witness: I saw the defendant stabbing the victim. Lawyer: Objection! Witness is ugly! Judge: Sustained. Jury will disregard the statement."
"Remember how you used to love getting all new school supplies and now you just steal them from the office?"
"How to you get rid of the dandelions on your lawn? Paint one of them black; the others will move away."
"I'm staying at a hotel w/ a 'hotel dog' that guests can walk & pet. Which is 1. adorable and 2. proof that the gov't can access my dreams."