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Joke of the Day

"I need your fingers, rubbing me hard, circling around my red swollen ...mosquito bite. What did YOU think I'm talking about? Weirdos!!"

"'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock' said the principal to a new boy. 'No Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.'"

"Listen, if you are going to someone's house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending today cleaning."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill with a dollar and a quarter Jill came down with $2.50"

"Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven was a Registered Six Offender."

"Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-"

"""woofwoof, woof"" -my neighbor's dog telling me his views on politics lol you gotta look at both sides tho fam"

"I am as a wake as a funeral."

"So I'm trying to get myself to be ambidextrous. I'm halfway there!"

"Mayweather goes 48-0 49-0 if you count his wife"