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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I like to repost my statuses that didn't get any ""Likes""... because they deserve a second chance too."

"The new Pope got Bird flu... ...I heard he caught it from one of his Cardinals."

"It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it."

"What do you call a couple of asses standing next to eachother in an asparagus field? An ass-pair, I guess?"

"2 weeks building a greenhouse for my herbs only to see it blown away in freak winds What a waste of thyme!"

"4 out of 5 dentists agree, that 5th dentist is an asshole."

"EXECUTIVE: Calling our store ""Bed & Bath"" isn't working. How can we take our branding to the next level? BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: I have an idea..."

"I promise, I'm only gonna have 2 beers tonight.... 2 beers in dog beers"

"HR: You said: You're ""moist"" welcome? Me: Autocorrect. HR: You're fine. Me: Sweet! HR: I meant: you're fired. Autocorrect."

"My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke ""Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."""