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Joke of the Day

"What did the dog get at the vet? [FIXED]"

"Twitter should give you rollover characters from your short tweets."

"A waiter took my plate before I was done and I watched him carry it away like it was my sibling who was just chosen for the hunger games"

"KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE! ***sombrero **** ^sombrero who,,,? *****SOMBRERO-VER THE RAINBOW****"

"Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down!"

"Show me on this Georgia O'Keeffe painting where the bad man touched you."

"A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I'm still eating"

"what do you get when you give chimp bluetooth? Chimp handsfree"

"What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!"

"A coworker just asked me if I was voted most likely to take a joke literally by my high school yearbook committee... That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy..."