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Joke of the Day

"My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke ""Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."""

Next Joke
 
"I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice."
"When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan."
"Since getting a Kindle, what I miss most about books is tipping them forward on the shelf to open a secret passageway."
"What's a woman's best curve? Her smile."
"What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle? My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle."
"Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win? Everybody."
"Nobody's going to see a sticker on a telephone pole and then become a fan of your band."
"3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: ""Privacy, please"" 3yo: ""Oh, right"" *closes door* ""Now we have privacy, Mommy"""
"What is that white thing in my pork&beans? The Queen Bean. *Blatantly stolen from Ren & Stimpy"