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Joke of the Day

"Saw two bums in the street going at it with cardboxes boxes... Pillow fight!"

"""Someone called me a butterface today! Is that bad?"" ""Well it's *half* a compliment."""

"Skipped the gym today to go to McDonald's. The bus did not come back, so I had to walk 2 miles home. Well played, universe."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One's pretty heavy and the other is a little lighter."

"A heavy woman walks into a lingerie shop. She was bra'd"

"I was going to confess to this girl, until I found out that... Oops, wrong sub. Was meant to post this on /r/atheism."

"What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card? Naboo"

"Me: *tied up* Guy: *hits my kneecap* M: I'm not a rat! G: Bring in her sworn enemy! G2: *tosses Rubik's Cube at me* M: Oh god no! I'll talk!"

"Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow"

"Learning how to say ""where the hell am I?"" in eight languages. Just in case."