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Joke of the Day

"Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow"

"I lost a lot of teeth eating candy at the wrong time of day. Just as her husband got home."

"My sergeant just told me this... Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says ""I brake for tailgaters."""

"What's the difference between jokes and dicks? My girlfriend doesn't laugh at my jokes. *edited for spelling: ""Mr"" instead of ""my""*"

"I took someone else's coffee at Starbucks because I liked her name better."

"I went to Church for the first time last week. I asked my cousin: ""So, when does the Priest do his magic trick?"" ""What?"" ""You know, making the altar boy disappear under his robe."""

"If I ever start a team, I'm going to name it ""Each Other Off""...That way when we loose a game, the other players will have to tell people they ""beat each other off last night""!!!"

"Poker Face. But I barely know her!"

"Cops: ""Please step out of the car"" Me: ""I can't. I'm drunk. You get in."""

"How does a Jew make his coffee? Hebrews it"