216286

Joke of the Day

"I was going to confess to this girl, until I found out that... Oops, wrong sub. Was meant to post this on /r/atheism."

"yo mamma so ugly she tried to enter an ugly contest and the judges said sorry no professionals"

"Police officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I'm just as confused as you are."

"If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows"

"What type of music do they listen to in the Czech Republic? Prague Rock."

"What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings? If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this."

"Ben Franklin ties a key to a kite, and he's a hero. I duct tape a kitten to a stop sign, and I'm an asshole? Really, History?"

"Open bar at my funeral; just because I'm dead doesn't mean I forgot how to fucking party."

"""Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!"" CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks."

"I leaked a sex tape of myself 3 months ago. It has 14 hits! Those hits are from me checking to see how many hits it has."