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Joke of the Day

"Learning how to say ""where the hell am I?"" in eight languages. Just in case."

"Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me ""Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"""

"What does a Playboy Magazine and a Model T Ford have in common? These days they're both hard to come by."

"What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a future..."

"Little caesars in Ferguson's Is hot and ready"

"I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger to remind me of how f*cked I am"

"Why are Asians not optimistic? Because they have a limited view of life."

"Guy: [pulls out knife] Me: But I'm allergic to stainless steel Guy: [stabs me] Me: Noooo I'll get a rash"

"If you #Calexit-ers think you hate Trump NOW... Just wait until you have to foot the bill for the Californian extension of The Wall."

"My friend asked me if I had a blast on my birthday. I told him I had such a blast, ISIS would have been proud!"