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Joke of the Day

"Me: *tied up* Guy: *hits my kneecap* M: I'm not a rat! G: Bring in her sworn enemy! G2: *tosses Rubik's Cube at me* M: Oh god no! I'll talk!"

"Fish must really like poetry. They like things that are deep."

"Why do girls have to get periods? Why can't Mother Nature just text us and be all like ""yo bitch, you ain't pregnant. Catch ya next month homegirl""."

"The first rule of flight club is.. ..turn the airplane on. & you should probably learn how to read."

"What do you call a little Mexican? A paragraph. Because he's not quite an essay."

"Do you know what happens when you don't pay your exorcist? You get repossessed."

"The number of things that are *not* rocket science is staggering."

"How do you find the vegan on tumblr they find you"

"What did the fog say to the grass? I mist you!"

"A salesman came to my door and tried to sell me a coffin. ""Nah, thats the last thing I'll need"""