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Joke of the Day

"Skipped the gym today to go to McDonald's. The bus did not come back, so I had to walk 2 miles home. Well played, universe."

"A guy walks into a bar -- and sustains a mild concussion."

"""I've got 99 problems."" - Walt Disney after only being able to give two Dalmatian puppies away"

"It's like 10,000 goons When all you need Is a knight"

"What did the pirate say to the other pirate? Don't touch my booty"

"My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got fired because I couldn't concentrate."

"Why did Will die? Because the commanding officer told his soldiers: ""Fire at will"""

"Why do nurses smack newborn babies on the back before handing them over to their parents... To knock the dicks off of the stupid ones"

"What does a news anchor say during sex? this just in"

"Tory Spelling walks into a bar The barman asks, ""Why the long face?"""