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Joke of the Day

"*Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*"

"Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders."

"i only watch superbowl for the commercials.i am unsure how to spend my surplus income &desperately need suggestions via talking animals"

"A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand And says ""Make me one with everything."""

"Q: Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator? A: He didn't want to see the salad dressing."

"There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred's car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE"

"I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed."

"*stares at phone* why cant i sleep *puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun* oh"

"What's Paul Walker's favorite drink? Fireball"

"I met a girl with 12 nipples today. She was a bitch."