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Joke of the Day

"""911 what's your emergency?"" MY WIFE IS BEATING MY KIDS! ""Okay. I'll send the police"" *hangs up. OH CRAP I FORGOT TO SAY ""AT MARIOKART"""

">be 17 >miss [(For those who don't get it)](http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/4/4/1333548711318/Battleship-board-game-001.jpg)"

"How do trees get online? They just log in..."

"Why did the programmer put on his glasses? So he could C#."

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's clothes."

"What's the difference between black people amd snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them."

"A man is found dead surrounded by 53 bicycles. How did he die? He had an ace up his sleeve."

"So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I'm a douche.nnBatman does it & it's a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard."

"What's it like never being flaccid? Hard."

"Nut allergic people can't get anything for free Because the stuff they buy must be nut free"