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Joke of the Day

"A young woman walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms. Don't want to get pregnant? Says the cashier. ""Nope, my boyfriend doesn't want any shit on his cock."""

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"Why is Ariana Grande called Ariana Grande? She is only 5 feet tall. Shouldn't she be called Ariana Petite?"
"Current beard: Outdoor woodsman Current body: Indoor couchman"
"Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now."
"My daughter wants a pony and my wife wants a new dishwasher, so I'm compromising and buying them a goat."
"I don't like camels And anybody who can go a week without a drink."
"A John gets crabs from a 10$ hooker... he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him ""what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"""
"What do you call a Spider-man that is a valet? A Peter Parker"
"What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas."
"WIFE: You said you were going to put the dog down ME: *in tears* I TRIED BUT HE HAD SOME REALLY DEVASTATING COMEBACKS"