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Joke of the Day

"Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now."

"I just assume everyone on my Christmas list has been naughty. Makes things simpler."

"People that whip their seats back on airplanes are almost certainly terrible lovers."

"What's brown and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven's Last Movement."

"Why do black people put their trash out in clear plastic bags? So that the Puerto Ricans can window-shop."

"You sneak into my room, unnoticed; you gently touch one bit of my naked body after the other until you find the most desirable place, then you start sucking. Stupid mosquitoes!"

"Now that it's 2017 I can finally make this joke! I haven't showered since last year! Hahaha"

"Why are drug addicts bad at billiards? Because they only pay to shoot up the eight ball"

"Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0"

"""Do you love me more than you love sleep?"" ""I can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"""