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Joke of the Day

"My daughter wants a pony and my wife wants a new dishwasher, so I'm compromising and buying them a goat."

"What did the eyeball say? Eyes, in deep despair, looking up, said in a passive tone, ""wazzup brow"""

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, ""That's a big word for a seven-year-old"""

"Five out of six people enjoy Russian Roulette."

"Not sure if my bed is calling me or if its the girl I left handcuffed all day"

"""Use divorce, Luke."" """" Obi Wan, marriage counselor"

"A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs.. so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan."

"What's the worst thing about being an atheist? You have no one to call to when you're having an orgasm."

"What do you call an online relationship? E-bae... I'll see myself out"

"Barista: Name? Me: Lotta Sexhaver *wink* *Time passes* Barista: Got a latte for Virgin McLiar"