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Joke of the Day

"""Hey kids, you like candy?"" I said to my own kids, luring them into my van so I could get them to school and be at work on time."

"""Not all guys wearing Flannel shirts are Lumberjacks."" *hits tree with axe* "" Take me for example. I just hate trees."""

"Where do german parents send their ADD kids? Concentration Camps"

"I think I left popcorn in the microwave too long and now it tastes funny. related: popcorn is my cat's name."

"Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!"

"What would Dorothy have said if she practiced Yoga instead of new age magical thinking? There's no place like OM."

"Good news for insomniacs! Only one more sleep until Christmas!"

"Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time? He has an oral fixation."

"Twitter, because I owe people on Facebook money."

"What did one train track say to the opposite track? Wanna race?"