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Joke of the Day

"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit."

"I was sailing a yacht with my stomach, abseiling"

"Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool."

"Hey girl, did you fall from heaven? Because you have a seriously fucked up face."

"Is it so wrong to bang on your neighbor's door at 2am and ask them to reset their modem?"

"Never take for granted someone that can make you smile or the fact that you have something to smile about."

"If you're able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging."

"I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say ""Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?"""

"If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food."

"What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a factory-grown chicken? They're both getting beaten by the name of Sanders."