170923

Joke of the Day

"If you're able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging."

"I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off"

"What's the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter? A gambler might lose."

"I can't get out of bed, my Fitbit is charging and my steps won't count"

"Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we'll let you go Bad Batman: Ben Affleck"

"What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse ? The Codfather !"

"Apparently ""cool story, bro"" is not an acceptable substitute for ""congratulations"" when your friend calls and tells you she's pregnant."

"Did you guys hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? He turned out to be a seasoned veteran."

"I already have a date for Valentine's Day February 14th"

"I told my mate that I couldn't make his wedding as I'm going to a brothel. ""You fucking arsehole"" he said. ""Depends how much money I have""."