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Joke of the Day

"Never take for granted someone that can make you smile or the fact that you have something to smile about."

"I asked my wife for the newspaper I said to my wife, ""Get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,"" she replied, ""you can borrow my iPad."" The spider didn't see that coming."

"What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill? A $100 bill makes change"

"My wife sent me out looking for a hard to find French cheese... It's called camofromage. Sorry this joke is so cheesy, but my kid thought it was Gouda."

"Is your dad retarded? Because you're something special"

"I've invented a new sex position: the 114 I was 69ing with this girl wen her husband came home and shoved a 45 up my ass"

"My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn't even know she sold them."

"When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back."

"My mother says I look just like an animal when I'm in the bath - a little bear."

"""The 1st Amendment is a magical shield that protects you from any consequences after publically posting your opinions online."" - idiots"