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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna play on a Slip n' Slide in my front yard tomorrow morning while the kids on my street wait for the school bus. #Hero"

"I thought about getting a pocket calculator... ...but then I realized I don't care how many pockets I have."

"Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy? The mafia doesn't like witnesses."

"I was going to tell a joke about sodium But Na"

"I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song."

"I'm taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers"

"Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head."

"How do Muslims do foreplay? They tickle the goat on the chin."

"How many NYC cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black."

"slipping acid into your moms food because she needs to chill out and have a good trip"