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Joke of the Day

"I'm taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers"

"[Showing a friend around the house] Me: And THIS is where my 5 yr old eats his popcorn. *motions to area covered in popcorn."

"What's the difference between Andrew Dice Clay and a nintendo cartridge? The nintendo cartridge has steadily gotten more blowjobs since the 80s."

"Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work."

"Thank you, pencil sharpeners! For always making a good point."

"What do you call someone who stands on the left side of an escalator? A fucking asshole."

"Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet ? To boldly go where no man has been before !"

"What is a fat kids' favourite sounding instrument at school? The dinner bell."

"I don't like LGBT community I mean, Bluetooth in LG devices isn't something amazing, is it?"

"What's blue and white and can't climb trees? A fridge with a denim jacket on"