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Joke of the Day

"I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song."

"Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope."

"*jumps out of plane* *begins reading parachute instruction manual* STEP 1: PUT ON PARACHUTE *looks up* Well hell"

"I repurposed some lumber. It was ex-siding."

"-I got you a birthday present... ...but I can't give it to you until tomorrow. -What is it? -It rhymes with 'Something to get drunk with'."

"Babysitting Pro Tip: Make them play Dungeons & Dragons until they love it so their parents will never have to worry about teenage pregnancy."

"Tim Burton could've saved a lot of money on 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and just shown a 2016 Facebook Year in Review instead."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bert ! Bert who ? Bert the dinner !"

"What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry"

"I'm writinig a book.... It's called *""""Pop goes the hamster"" and other great microwave games""*"