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Joke of the Day

"[Walk into a Cat Cafe] Me-I've never eaten cat. What do you recommend? Lady-They're for adopting not eating M-Oh, well can I adopt one? L-No"

"A farmer in (x-town) who rolled over a cart of horse manure... Is reported in ""stable condition."""

"I just saw a guy wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I'm hoping it was because he was wearing uggs"

"Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender yells, ""we don't serve your type in here."""

"Food wedding anniversaries: Year 1: champagne 2: strawberries 3: chocolate 4: donuts 5: protein shakes 6: microwave meal 7: Rat poison"

"You know why i love hiking? It is all about the in tents action."

"What's that Lassie? Bark! Yes I have a few moments of free time Bark! Goddammit lassie no I don't want to hear about Jesus"

"Chestnut. What do you call a nut on a chest? A chestnut. What do you call a nut on a wall? A walnut. What do you call a nut on a chin? A blowjob."

"If you need a loan who do you see in the bank? The Loan Arranger (Lone Ranger)."

"DAD: I can't believe you bought me a house for Christmas SON: I hope you enjoy it DAD: I'm just gonna... SON: Oh no DAD: Live in the present"