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Joke of the Day

"When did razors get so expensive? Three more payments and I'll be able to shave"

"Why are all black people scared of sleeping? 'Cause one had a dream, and he died."

"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you a flat minor"

"Oh, you're a fan of The Chainsmokers? Name 3 chains they've smoked"

"What lives in the sea and yells? A clam shouter."

"Bernie Sanders said it's time for him to cut the BS His new name is Ernie Anders"

"I saw a synopsis and some abstracts shot down in a hail of bullet points. I guess it was a summary execution."

"Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife. Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife."

"I'm opening a funeral home that has a bar in it. I know right?"

"What is a pedophiles favorite Italian meal? Chicken Statutory....I'm going, I'm going...sorry but this is how my brain works before I've had coffee."