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Joke of the Day

"Oh, you're a fan of The Chainsmokers? Name 3 chains they've smoked"

"Why was Steve Jobbs funeral an open casket? So the attendees could get some face-time."

"Ted Cruz is going to be in a movie Dummy Does Dallas"

"""An apple a day takes Billion Dollars away"" ~ Samsung"

"If I had $1 for every time a girl has rejected me... I wouldn't be single anymore"

"What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns? Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*"

"Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans."

"A group of protesters are in front of a physics lab ""What do we want?"" ""Time travel!"" ""When do we want it?"" ""Irrelevant."""

"I tried to give myself a sex change operation but I couldn't pull it off."

"Everything my boy friend ever said to me was a lie. Every. Fcuking. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that was true."