202569

Joke of the Day

"I doubt anyone's actually ""dying"" from seeing a cute baby picture on FB, but we can always dream."

"Q: How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding? A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church."

"I learned a very important lesson at Mount Rushmore. The best presidents were stoned."

"Guitar players are actually quite a religious bunch... They've all found Gsus at some point."

"My kids are always accusing me of having a 'favourite kid' Which is ridiculous as I don't like any of them. -Danny Zuker"

"I had to When my girlfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"Being a vegetarian is a missed steak. That's the joke. Now, fuck off!"

"My wife must think I'm a god... She keeps giving me burnt offerings !"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe. That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!"