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Joke of the Day

"I had to When my girlfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"Just went to an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers."

"I'll have you know that my penis was once in the guinness book of world records... But then the librarian yelled at me and made me leave the library."

"My Grandfather never had a good reason to go fishing. He did it just for the halibut."

"we need a cold and annoying genius type, who should we cast? [Benedict Cumberbatch claws at the office window] hmmm who to cast? [he meows]"

"How many blonde jokes exist? One. This one. The rest are all true."

"Really sad news from the entertainment industry. Justin Bieber was found alive in his apartment yesterday."

"Why did the snowman have a smile on his face? Because the snowblower was coming down the block."

"It must've been so fun to live in ancient Egypt because everything you wrote was an emoji"

"Did you hear Harriet Tubman will be on the $20? Does this mean it'll be worth 70% of its value because she's a woman? Or does it mean it'll be worth 3/5th because she's black?"