199890

Joke of the Day

"Scientists have identified the dog particle. It is a good particle. Such a good particle yes it is. Does it want a treatsy weatsy yes it doe"

"Waiter waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. Yes ma'am they can't stand the boiling water."

"So when is too soon to ask your friend if you can borrow their baby to reenact The Lion King? One day old? Two?"

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the titanic? About halfway"

"DRUG DEALER: what'll it be man ME: *wearing a wire* some drugs please [at the surveillance van] DEA AGENT: did he just say some drugs"

"As a form of protest against non-moving escalators, I get on and just stand there. Hours sometimes. It's not like I have anywhere to get to."

"I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens."

"Make the little things count! Teach midgets maths!"

"Why was Latin afraid of Hitler? They were both dead!"

"""So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?"" -me to everyone at Starbucks."