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Joke of the Day

"DRUG DEALER: what'll it be man ME: *wearing a wire* some drugs please [at the surveillance van] DEA AGENT: did he just say some drugs"

"What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forrest1"

"Why'd God make women pretty but dumb? They're pretty, so men will like them. They're dumb, so they will like men. Courtesy of the great movie Ip Man 3 which I watched yesterday."

"Q: Two Pretzels were walking down the street. A: One was assaulted."

"I went to the park earlier to play frisbee with me dog. It was shit! I think I need a flatter dog."

"What is a pirate's favorite letter? (is it ""R""?) NAAAAAY!!! 'Tis the C"

"As a grown woman with no children or morals to slow me down, I will have a definite advantage during tomorrow's family Easter egg hunts."

"What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four."

"When i die i want to go peacefully like my friend in his sleep. Not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car."

"Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night... She stood him up."