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Joke of the Day

"""So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?"" -me to everyone at Starbucks."

"The only thing standing between me and greatness, is millions of people who are more talented and want it more."

"Why Did it Take so Long to Legalize Gay Marriage? Because their priorities weren't straight."

"Thanks, Obama! The one time the Republicans are actually happy it is Obama's fault that Trump is President."

"Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room"

"What does a soviet call someone with good vision? Glasnots."

"My friend got a spider in his eye... Now he has a website."

"Cleaning out my handbag. Wondering if nine pens are enough."

"I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today. To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times."

"How about a game where Mario gets a job and gets his coins like the rest of us."