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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens."

"""I have found our arguments quite useful - almost as useful as those I had with my father."" - Spock and the guy I end up marrying."

"Q: What's the difference between one yard and two yards? A: A fence."

"A guy on the street just said ""nice feet"" to me can someone tell me seriously if that was a cat call?"

"- Are you upset? Typing... Typing... Typing... Typing... - No."

"I was making Ewok for dinner but I cooked it too long and it was like, a little Chewy. -- (Wil Shipley)"

"Why did I throw my phone out of my window? Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane..."

"Why is your nose in the middle of the face? Because it's the scenter."

"A baby crawls into a bar... He asks the bartender for a milk. The bartender says, ""I guess you want that in a bottle?"". The baby replies, ""What do you have on tit?"""

"A boy came into the house with a sofa on his back. His father said, ""How many times have I told you not to accept suites from strangers!?"""